You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
