actually, I'm a sock model
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
