I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
