omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
