Got a toothbrush?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
