Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I would ride that face into the sunset
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
