I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
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