So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
