just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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