I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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