i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
