just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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