If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
