it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I can't turn off my feet"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
