I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
so let's talk penis.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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