I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Randomize
