I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
