Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
barbara walters just said penis...
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
