his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
