Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
