just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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