Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
