Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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