Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
