Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
