At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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