I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
