I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize