i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
