She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
