The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Alive.
So much puke
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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