Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
