The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
