in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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