I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
