I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
