i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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