this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I just googled if crying burns calories
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
