my soul wont recognize me after tonight
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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