I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
