i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
