I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
