no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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