chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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