I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
