my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
