She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
