We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
operation have a gay friend backfired
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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