Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
