i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
