Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
