saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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