he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
