just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
