my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Randomize
