Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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