know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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