Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize