Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
