It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
