I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
