Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Text me some of your sweat
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