No awkward lesbian experiences without me
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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