if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
