I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
