Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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