so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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