my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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