is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
