glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
