Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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