I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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