he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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