dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
