do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
